It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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