Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
