Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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