I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
