Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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