Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
