I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
