It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My vagina is very pro this idea
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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