I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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