Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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