i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
