i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
