yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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