I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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