So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
