You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
