May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
