evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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