Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
