I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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