how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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