well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
