I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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