Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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