see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
