JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
