11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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