i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
