First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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