Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
