do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
