New invention idea: vibrating tampons
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
