had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
