yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
