all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
