Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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