god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So many bounce houses so little time
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
