everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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