Buhtt sex?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
