I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
