You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My bed smells like the plague
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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