NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
