I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
