I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
