they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
