I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
