I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
