I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
