mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
