Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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