Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
