I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
