There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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