This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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