i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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