NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
