Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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