sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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