there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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