He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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