you would pick up someone in the library
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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