I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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