Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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